The Problem w/ the Saga that really isn't a Saga known as Twilight..

Are you on Team Jacob or Team Edward? Really, that is the question that is suppose to be on everyone's mind after the monstrous NEW MOON opening this past weekend. The first film in the Saga was only watchable if you played a drinking game that enabled you to do a shot every time Bella played with her hair. For the second film I came up with another drinking game where if you see Jacob without a shirt (total of 5 scenes) or Bella do a painfully on the nose VO (9 count), you have to take a shot. Little did I know that not even 14 shots of the hardest alcohol you could find would make this smoking pile of shit worth watching.

I am guilty of a lot of things in life, but the one I feel the worst about is recommending the Twilight books to friends, family and loved ones pre all the crazy buzz and there wasn't even a movie in the works. The first 3 books work splendidly. Stephanie Meyers figured out a brilliant scheme to show teen angst, loneliness and sexual confusion through her heroine Bella on the same level as J.K. Rowling did for Harry Potter towards the later books. At the end of book 3 (SPOILER ALERT) Meyers decided to all of a sudden start preaching her Mormon ways into a novel that was completely absent of it previously. It comes in a chapter that has Team Edward discussing sex w/ Bella for nearly 30 pages. Once this happens, Meyers voice became the characters voices and all I could think was of a mom trying to instruct her kids on the pluses and minus's of abstinence. The books jumped the shark and never recovered. I started book four and gave up about 100 pages in. It was a new famous author succumbing to the pressures of the publishing world and rushing her material. It all fell apart. J.K. Rowling never rushed a Potter book. She took a painfully long time in between each novel, agonizing her readers yet rewarding them at the same time.

So what about films? Why do 2 films suck so much monkey nuts when they made such compelling turn paging young adult novels? Here's my list of reasons in no particular order:

1) Acting/Directing

Oh it's bad. How bad? In the most emotional sequence in New Moon, Edward leaves Bella for most of the movie. It has been awhile since I've been a teen, but if your teen heartthrob who promised to protect you no matter what left, wouldn't you shed a tear? Well, Bella doesn't. To make matters worse, we get two young stilted actors talking their lines in monotone voices with no body language between them. Over the shoulder cut back to an over the shoulder cut to a slow moving dolly of two actors standing completely still during what is the emotional levity that's supposed to take us from Act 1 into Act 2.

2. Pop Music does not substitute for Musical Composition in a Movie

The ENTIRE New Moon soundtrack, 13+ songs are in this movie and they play over the most emotional moments. Are we watching the CW or are we watching a movie? I get the tie-ins to what truly is one of the best soundtracks of the year, but seriously folks, how do we take a scene seriously if the filmmakers insist on taking the audience out of the moment with the flavor of the week moody alternative music? It just doesn't work.

3. Change the Source Material

The best adaptations are the ones that create their own voice in their translation to the screen. Harry Potter was awkward and flawed until Alfonso Cauron conjured up some magic by changing not only the style that Chris Columbus established in the first two, but also the core story. He still gets his characters from point A to B for the following sequel, but he does so by adhering to filmmaking/screenwriting 101 rules. Twilight and especially New Moon fail in this area. The movie is identical to the book. The second act of New Moon is so muddled with nothing happening on the screen. This movie easily could've been 90 minutes or less instead of the 2 + hour run time currently. Audiences need something, anything to happen in the second act to get us thru to the 3rd.

4. Team Edward = Pussies

Seriously, Edward is a wimp. He's so in love with Bella in that we are going to be together for eternity there's no room for his character to grow outside of adjusting his thousand mile stare at her. Monster movies where humans fall in love with the monster work because the man behind the monster is worth getting to know, in the Twilight Saga there's nothing worth getting to know behind Edward. He loves Bella but he's a vampire. On the page, we got paragraph upon paragraph about Edward's beauty, kindness and love for Bella thru her eyes. It made it real. She viewed him like a teen would view the love of her life and the reader was able to get involved. On the screen, there's no getting inside of Edward, he's a blank stare with some serious bed head.

How to fix the series and actually make the films watchable to anyone over the age of 15?

1. Hire a director who actually has a vision for the material and is not a cog in the machine for Summit. It has worked for Harry Potter and it would work for The Twilight Saga since the 3rd book is the most cinematic, except for the atrocious ending. Guy Richie is doing Sherlock Holmes, Spike Jonze did Where the Wild Things Are, Wes Anderson got Fantastic Mr. Fox, etc. Studios that take risks and hire directors that actually have a vision either succeed or fail, but one thing is for sure, the experiment is more interesting than the current daytime Soap Opera like quality this franchise has already achieved .

2. Special Effects

Make them realistic. Look at what it did for District-9. The Wolves in Twilight look like CGI. They don't breath realistically, and their movements are taken directly from leftover bad CGI on shows like Smallville and Supernatural. Actually, Smallville and Supernatural have better CGI work than The Twilight Saga. Heck, even the poorly scripted Spiderman 3 had amazing effects that kept audiences semi-interested while New Moon looks like CGI subcontracted from a foreign visual effect company thats never even read the books.

3. Get out of the book trappings

Simple. Don't copy the books word for word! People don't need to see Bella in pain from losing Edward for nearly 70 minutes of the film. It's like watching Wings of Desire with no insight into life, as perceived by a committee of producers who think they know what it feels like to be a teen.

4. The Acting

Get a director in their that pushes his actors to do things outside of their range. Even if it involves ruffling some pre-diva feathers the results will be well worth it.

Final Thought on New Moon

New Moon is the worst movie of the year. I knew it was going to be awful, but what I didn't know is just how ridiculously awful. A terrible script, horrible directing, sloppy editing, and a film score that feels like a Hanz Zimmer Thin Red Line reject. There's nothing redeemable about this feature except for Charlie, Bella's father played by Billy Burke. In film #1 he was forced to be a dad that doesn't 'hover,' while in film #2, he's an awkward parent that sees his daughter suffering. He uses sly humor, natural 'Friday Night Lights' like acting and pure charm to capture every scene he is in. If only the 3 lead actors could take a cue from him, maybe just maybe there would have been more to commend.

To all the Team Edward and Team Jacob fans out there, do yourself a favor and go back and watch the complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, especially the love triangle of season 2 between Angel/Buffy to see how monster romance is supposed to be handled.

www.524ad.com now live!

The man, the myth, the legend that is Blue Daniel has once again outdone himself by building an AMAZING pitch site for the new film I am working on, KNIGHTS OF THE NOT-SO ROUND TABLE: THE LOST TAPES OF 524 AD.

Check it out at: www.524ad.com and be like a Jehovah's witness and spread the good word...

The Informant!

I'd like to point out that the theatre I saw THE INFORMANT! at left off the ! in the title and I am still baffled by this. The title is short enough to fit a ! on the digital displayed show time listings, yet it's mysteriously absent. The ! in the title is just as much a part of the title as the word, THE.

Regardless, I digress. THE INFORMANT! is one of those movies that I can't put into words why I didn't love it. It has the right ingredients for an excellent picture.

1) A great director with Steven Soderbergh

2) Matt Damon packing on extra pounds to play the role of a character based on real events.

3) A timely subject matter

4) A clever script that keeps you guessing up to the final scene

Still with all these elements, I just didn't love the movie. When friends have asked me if it's worth seeing, I keep telling them it's worthy of matinee cost but not full admission prices. Why? I can't figure it out.

How about you in the blogosphere world? Why doesn't THE INFORMANT! work on every level to be an A worthy movie instead of a solid B? Please, let me know. With all the film schooling I've had, I can't dissect this film and figure out why it's flawed outside of the film not having any sympathetic characters to latch onto.

Dobler Rating: B

Final Thought:

The most confusing movie I've seen this year. Simple movie, but i didn't love it and I want to know why I can't fully recommend it to people!

Cloudy w/ A Chance of 3-D Meatballs!

If you liked MONSTERS VS ALIENS, you should LOVE CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS. Why? It's simply because it's more sight gags, a pretty damn clever script and a ton of awesome 3-d worthy moments that helps launch the Sony Animation division outside of Blue Sky's ICE AGE films.

As conceived by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, CLOUDY departs from the classic children's book of the same name and goes extra zany. Seriously, if we live in a cinematic age where there is no such thing as a good live-action spoof comedy, CLOUDY may be animated, but it owes its genre roots to the spoof comedies like AIRPLANE and NAKED GUN that have come before it. Just like in those spoof comedies, there are a ton of sight gags plus an over ambitious ending that settles for a ton of action and steps away from the funny. Yet Lord and Miller are smart enough to leave the pop culture references to a minimum in CLOUDY and overpopulate the film with timeless jokes, that won't grow old with age and it should be able to stand the test of animated time.

DOBLER RATING: B

FINAL THOUGHT:

Just a purely fun movie with a good heart that may not be a Pixar giant, but does what it does so nicely it's hard not to go out of your way for an extra serving of meatballs (yeah, I had to go there).

short takes

I have been watching a lot of TV lately and thought now was about the right time to chime in with my take on some of the things that have peaked my interest.

MODERN FAMILY

HYPE: BELIEVE IT

WHY:

If not just for seeing Ed O'Neil back on prime time TV in a FUNNY performance, watch the show cause for network TV, it pushes buttons. How many network shows have a guy family adopting a Korean baby than introducing said kid to her grandparents via the 'Circle of Life' song from THE LION KING? Exactly, NONE!

PILOT: A-

POTENTIAL: A-

FINAL THOUGHT: This is one to watch. With catchy phrases like WTF = 'Why the Face' and two gay guys doing a 'sports guy chest bump' to pump themselves up for their in-laws coming over, what's not to love?

FLASH FORWARD

HYPE: You better believe it!

WHY:

David S. Goyer has taken his cinematic style and transfered it over to the small screen in one of the best drama/thriller pilot's since LOST. Yeah, it's that good. Where will it go after the shocking TIMEQUAKE like experience in FLASH FORWARD? Who knows and who cares, I am totally along for the ride.

PILOT: A

POTENTIAL: A

FINAL THOUGHT: FLASH FORWARD is like when LOST hit the air, people thought there was no way the series creators could sustain a plot for more than a few seasons and I can see the comparisons, but come on people, we are talking about David S. Goyer here! He will totally make this show work!
EASTWICK

HYPE: Can the old John Updike novel and former movie with Jack translate to a small screen hit? If you like DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, all signs point to yes.

WHY:

Welcome to ABC's backlot, I mean Eastwick which looks like a small town near Vermont. Sex, magic and a whole bunch of gossip litter the town of Eastwick in a semi-entertaining way, but not entertaining enough to keep me watching in the weeks to come. This show is clearly aimed for a different demographic than myself, so I will get the updates from my Mom on why I should watch instead of spending my time watching just okay media.

PILOT: C+

POTENTIAL: C

FINAL THOUGHT: A DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES like show that Rebecca Romijn's always on display cleavage isn't even enough for me to tune in for the 2nd episode next week.

CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

HYPE: SEINFIELD!

WHY: SEINFIELD!

EPISODE 1: B just for introducing lines like 'empty gestures' and 'apricot' into the mainstream.

POTENTIAL: Get rid of the Blacks, family that is, and get to the SEINFIELD reunion and all will be fine.

FINAL THOUGHT: With the introduction of cancer into a character's life this season, I'll be tuned in to see how far Larry David crosses that fine fine line of wrong humor.

COMMUNITY

HYPE: Some of the ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT team makes a comeback!

WHY:

Joel McHale and Chevy Chase totally sell this show. There are a lot of TV/movie references in the pilot and second episode, but they are so sharp and witty it doesn't matter. This show has the potential to reach the zaniness of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT but in a more familiar scenario, like 30 ROCK.

PILOT: A-

POTENTIAL: A

FINAL THOUGHT: My favorite comedy on network TV of the new season (I don't count GLEE as a comedy, it's more of a musical dramedy). Regardless, you SHOULD be watching this show!

Bored to Death

Seriously HBO, you have now struck out twice in your last two series; 'Hung' was an unfunny disaster and now 'Bored to Death' is more of 'it's not TV, it's just pure shit.' There's nothing redeeming about this 30 minute series that is sandwiched between the much funnier 'Curb' and 'Entourage.' Poor acting, poor pacing and awful writing make it feel like you are watching a student film or something more suited for network than the usually far edgier HBO.

How can a show with such talented actors like Ted Danson, Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis fall flat on its face so badly? I blame the creator and refuse to even discuss it any further in this blog entry. It just sucks ass that bad!

Dobler Rating: D

Final Thought:

I'm just saying, instead of spending money developing piles of shit, HBO should just go out and get the rights to 'Pushing Daisies' and resurrect that fallen series with a bit more edge.

Jennifer's not-so great Body

The best comment my film teacher told the class back in Phoenix was, 'if a movie has a great soundtrack with a lot of current artists, the movie is probably going to suck.' There are of course exceptions to this rule, like 'The Graduate' and 'Ghost' yet for the most part, 'Godzilla,' 'Batman Forever,' and now 'Jennifer's Body' all have fantastic pop soundtracks with a 'meh' worthy movie to follow.

Megan Fox is hot. The world knows it and Diablo Cody takes full advantage of her with a semi-entertaining script that even allows for a lesbian scene that will leave teenage geeks in sci-fi softcore porn heaven...or should I say hell.

The film has the wit and knows the horror genre it is spoofing, yet it never rises above its cheesy B movie trappings to be anything more than a lot of sex, violence and 'Diablo 'Speak.' These are not the issues with 'Jennifer's Body,' the source of the problem is the script plotting. The movie spends far too much time with characters talking cleverly, leaving not much more than 15 minutes for Amanda Seyfried's character to finally take control of the situation. That's right. We get a mere 15 minutes or less of pure Megan Fox vs. Amanda Seyfried action in 'Jennifer's Body.' The reason? Poor plotting and story structure. With another rewrite this thing had potential to be a solid cult classic horror flick as is it's just an excuse to see a lot of 'near nude' Fox shots.

Dobler Rating: C

Final Thought:

'Jennifer's Body' is direct-to-DVD material disguised as theatrical entertainment. Skip it then save money by looking up near nude shots of Megan Fox online and start following Diablo Cody on Twitter to get the same daily dose of wit her movie only semi-offers.

9

Potential. It seems to be in my vernacular more and more these days. The potential + the hype of a movie is greater than or less than to how much you like it. For example, 'District 9' was the perfect movie that combined a well calibrated hype machine with a ton of potential for its finished product into a well executed genre movie. Everything was equal to. Whereas with '9' the potential of a short film by Academy Award nominated Shane Acker with producer Tim Burton onboard to make the feature lead for a slew of potential. Then came the hype on what I will argue with anyone as the best action trailer thus far in '09. But the actual result is not as great as all the fuss is about.

'9' is flawed. The post apocalyptic setting and the intrigue as to how these sock puppet like creatures are created is all there. However, the action sequences and bland dialogue tend to weigh down an interesting concept and visual style, making for a more generic film than it should be. Shane Acker knows how to direct action. In fact, Michael Bay should watch every action sequence in '9' and take notes on how less is more along with the simple notion that every single meaningful action shot does not have to be in slow motion.

Dobler Rating: B

Final Thought:

'9' plays like watching 'The Corpse Bride' over seeing 'Nightmare Before Christmas.' Both are good movies, but only one is the classic and unfortunately, '9' does not live up to either its hype nor its potential although Shane Acker is definitely somebody to watch for in the future of filmmaking.

GLEE!!

There are two types of people in this world according to Fox programming. Those that like the zany antics of 'Ally McBeal' and those that do not. If you are in the do, you are going to LOVE 'Glee.'

It has been awhile since a show encompassed the sexual awkwardness of being a teen with full fledged dark humor and full on song and dance numbers. Wait, has there ever been a show that successful did that for teens? I honestly can't think of one off the top of my head.

Regardless, I am intrigued to see how Ryan Murphy can stretch out a full season worth of 'Glee' beyond the singing and the dancing, especially if each episode is going to be a full hour.

Dobler Rating: A-

Potential: A+

Final Thought: This show could be the next big breakout hit, here's hoping Fox doesn't cancel it 'Firefly' style before it truly has a chance to spread its wings.

09/09/1999

Do you consider yourself a gamer? Do you remember where you were on 09/09/1999? If you answered yes to either of those questions, you probably remember in amazing detail what is and will always be the best launch of any video game system. List of a few choice titles:

NBA 2k

NFL 2k

NHL 2k

Soul Caliber

Sonic Adventure

Power Stone

Hydro Thunder

Those are just launch titles. We are talking about 6 games that helped define a system simply in its launch. That's unheard of in the video game industry. With no sports licensing from EA, Sega developed their own in-house sports titles that proved to be far more realistic than anything EA had ever created. The players moved like their real life counterparts. The playbooks were all taken from each of the individual teams. The graphic animation was less flash and more realism, which created some of the best early sporting franchises in the history of gaming.

But I digress from a sports tangent and on to what Sega really did that revolutionized the gaming industry with the release of the D-cast. It was two very simple things.

1) They took chances on games that normally would never see the light of day.

Shenmue. A 4 disc masterpiece of gaming that for its time was one of the most ambitious games to date.

Seaman. A failed attempt to try and allow users to interact with a weird smart-ass creature that grew per how they took care of it.

Jet Set Radio. While gaming systems were moving forward with more advanced 3-d graphics, Sega kicked it old school with this cult classic using cell shaded animation that's just as beautiful as any modern video game (even Zelda switched to this style after Sega dropped this roller skating hit).

Space channel 5. A dance game where you have to out dance aliens that are taking over your space station would have many saying, 'WTF?' But when you start playing, the game has some of the most responsive play controls and has an infamous cameo by Michael Jackson grabbing his crouch towards the end.

Power Stone. A fighting game with interactive battles for up to 4 players! Every environment was interactive. If you saw an item on the screen, you could pick it up and attack your opponent with it.

Chu Chu Rocket. The first console online puzzle game and it was so addicting it could give Tetris a run for its money.

JoJo's Bizarre Aventure. A sidescrolling 2-d fighter that had a humping monkey. Come on Nintendo, why did you pass on this game? It's classic!

Virtua Tennis. The tennis game that every tennis game that came after it based its controls on. You would not be playing Wii Sports Tennis if it wasn't for Virtua Tennis introducing the world to a sport that plays like 'pong' in the videogame world, but with more depth than a RTS.

2) It was the first TRUE online video game console.

If you look on the front of the D-Cast, you'll notice a logo for one of the biggest computer companies in the world; Microsoft. Yup, that's right. Sega had Microsoft in its pocket for D-Cast before it failed and Microsoft went its separate way with the X-box. Yet, without the D-cast, gamers would not have the current x-box live. D-cast paved the road for what is considered the standard for online gaming. I remember playing my first NBA 2K game online against a total stranger. It was then I realized how gaming can connect the world, just like the social networks do of today. Me and a total stranger playing a game not on a computer. How freakin' cool is that?

So if the D-cast is so well remembered, why did it only last for a measly 2 years? The answer lies in SEGA. They messed up. They over inundated gamers with one hardware system after the next so by the time the D-cast came out, gamers were burned out by Sega and switched gears to the PS2. It wasn't because PS2 was the better system, with its hardware failure, overheating and one of the weakest launches in gaming history. It was simply Sega's mismanagement of their hardware (I know it sounds like something out of a porn). Out of all the old gaming systems that still live under your bed (X-Box, PS2, 3D0, Atari Jaguar, N64), how many do you still want to actually physically play? That's right. Only the D-cast holds that soft spot in your heart.

So today, on 09/09/09, instead of going out and buying a new copy of 'Rock Band: Beatles,' going to buy the 'Beatles remastered Edition' or going to see '9,' take a moment and if you still own a Dreamcast, dust it off, pop in one of your favorite discs and remember what will always be remembered as one of the best video game consoles ever. It had a shorter life span than most of your ex-girlfriends, but keep in mind how often do you talk fondly about your ex's and how often do you get chills as you remember the classic one-on-one moments you shared with that old friend living under your bed...